Yes, I am going to refer to you as my tribe, because if you’re reading my blog on a regular basis, you are here because there must be something of interest to you and therefore you are supporting me, like a tribe does. Whew. That was a run on sentence if ever there was one.
Yesterday morning started off fine and then a debate, which turned into an argument over, of all things going to the grocery store, broke out. It got loud and I allowed my buttons to get pushed as I felt like everyone was ganging up on me (the victim role).
I lashed out at my entire household, curse words and all. Once a truce was called, I felt horrible, my family felt horrible, and the morning was ruined.
After retreating to my room and shedding more than a few tears, I knew I needed to apologize individually to my young adult sons and my husband.
I went to each one and told them how much I loved them and how sorry I was that I had not been impeccable with my word. Instead of using my words toward truth and love, I used them towards anger and hurtfulness.
Though everyone accepted my apology, I was still upset with myself for being a victim. So I pulled up my poor me britches and said a prayer for God to help me when the stress gets the best of me and my family doesn’t.
I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and said “You are not a victim. You will never be a victim again.” That was me doing my best in that moment and that is all one can ask of oneself. Do your best.
The remainder of the day was calm and peaceful. A visit from our oldest daughter was a pleasant distraction.
My oldest son and I even cooked lunch together! The five of us enjoyed a delicious meal of shrimp and grits with a salad. We did so in love, peace and harmony. It was wonderful.
This is not a post I’m proud to share, however, it is important. It’s to let you know I slipped on my journey. That’s how it goes. The journey takes time and there will be slippery slopes and obstacles along the way.
While I did slip, I was very self aware of my falter and took steps to rectify it. There was a time I had little self awareness. The fact that I recognized my behavior is something I am proud of.
Perfection I am not; never will be. I’m a work in progress. I don’t have all the answers. I will never have all the answers. What I can do each day is recognize my behavior and do my best to handle stressful, even hurtful situations as the fierce woman I am; not as a victim.
Blessings, peace and love,