Today, I am going to talk about taking things personally.
In a previous post I outlined four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz from his book The Four Agreements. I will list them again just in case you missed that post.
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don't take anything personally.
- Don't make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
Sounds easy enough, but putting the Agreements into action is proving difficult for me as of late. The ones I'm struggling with are don't take anything personally and don't make assumptions.
Several things happened over the weekend leading to hurt feelings, disappointment and a deeply wounded heart on my part. These incidents sent me into a downward spiral despite a lot of prayer and re-reading The Four Agreements.
I have yet to come completely out of this darkness and back into the light. This is depression, folks. It's real, it's here and it sucks.
Perhaps due to the serious nature of several things going on in my life right now, I'm finding the stress, coupled with the weekend, is just simply too much. I'm tired. I'm really, really, really tired. So I've been napping a lot to get through each day.
Here is my question; how does one not take personally the actions of others? Of course, if I'm being honest, I did make assumptions regarding one incident, so I suppose I just found the answer to that one. I should have asked questions, but I was afraid of the answers. That's the honest truth. I was afraid. That one is on me.
By not asking questions, I, me, Diane, got my feelings hurt. I take full responsibility. The disappointment I felt, on the other hand, was not because I didn't ask questions. It is a genuine emotion. Period.
Taking things personally and making assumptions go hand-in-hand a lot of the time, which cause our feelings to get hurt. Other times it is the intentional actions of others or unforeseen circumstances that break our hearts the most.
I'm a very sensitive person, I wear my heart on my sleeve and it wounds easily. I have trouble fully trusting people and their motives.
On one hand, being this way allows me to feel empathy for others and helps me to think about consequences before I speak or do things that could be hurtful to someone else. I'm not saying I've never hurt anyone. I have. I've also given heartfelt apologies for the things of which I'm aware that I've done to hurt others.
One would think my trust issues would protect me from getting hurt. They don't. Instead, I retreat like a turtle into my own protective shell. Still, the pain is there and it's real.
I sometimes wish I had a thicker skin. One that would allow things to just roll right off my back without giving a damn. That would certainly protect me from heartache and taking things personally.
Is that the trick to not taking things personally? To become thick skinned and just not care? If so, I'm not sure I ever will, or even want to, fully master this agreement. I'm a good person and not caring wouldn't be me and I like me. I just need tweaking.
My heart has broken so many times I'm amazed it's still beating and in one piece. It must be intact so I can love, care and empathize with others. It must be part of a bigger plan. I just wish the plan would reveal itself.
I know, before you say it, it will be revealed at the perfect time. Patience is not one of my strengths I'm afraid, but I'm learning.
I don't know where I'm going with this post other than to say, if you love or care about a person suffering with depression, please understand things can change rather quickly at times. We may be doing great and then something shakes our world and we can spiral downward.
For me, releasing some of the frustration, anger, disappointment and angst I'm feeling right now through writing this post is helpful. It's also helpful to know that I did my best today and will do my best tomorrow.
I will keep my gratitude journal, enlist the help of the Six Million Dollar Man and continue to practice the Four Agreements (all prior posts) and I'm going to start EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping again (a post for another day). These are all things my teacher has taught me for times such as this one.
This depression will pass. I truly believe that or I could not survive. I am lucky in that I have a loving, caring and supportive group of family, friends and professionals to turn to when and if I need them.
Until next time, wishing you all…
Blessings, Peace and Love,