This blog is about my journey to finding joy and authenticity in my life WHILE dealing with depression and anxiety. This is not always a fun blog to read, but it is always honest.
I would say the majority of my posts are me sharing lessons I've learned through therapy and how to deal with the depression and anxiety which are a part of who I am at this time. Then there are days, like today, where I find myself spiraling into depression, wondering how the hell I got here and needing to get those feelings out.
Hell. That's a good word for what my family and I have endured for close to two years now. Shear. Utter. Hell. If I were to share the things that have happened, one after the other, you probably wouldn't believe me, so I won't bore you with details. Despite the pain, however, there have been many blessings and those are what I do my best to focus on each day.
Remember the blessings, remember the blessings, remember the blessings and I do. Depression, however, has this very annoying way of creeping in without warning. It consumes your thoughts and tries very hard to make you forget the blessings. It's a thief! It steals your joy and makes you fight to get back to an even emotional plane. Basically, depression is an asshole. Seriously.
So about today…I am feeling very angry, sad and broken. Less than an hour ago, I was weeping uncontrollably in my bathroom. I must have needed the release crying brings, because once I was done, I sucked it up and felt a bit better even though the sadness and brokenness are still lingering.
The good new is, I am out of bed, sipping a cup of delicious coffee and writing this post. This is actually really good news because it means I haven't given up. I am here, again today, fighting for my family, believing in life, miracles, hope, God, faith, the universe, the lessons I have learned and my support system.
If there comes a day I don't get out of bed, can't laugh at the absurdity of it all, can't text or phone someone who has my back and believes in me, then I will truly know it's time to worry. For today, however, I can do all of those things despite feeling so broken.
Some people call this strength. I don't feel strong. I feel it's just me grateful to see another day the Lord has made and being glad and rejoicing in it…tears and all.
Until next time, wishing you…
Blessings, Peace and Love,